ARGH!

The following was written 8/11/12
Many things have changed since then, but I feel this was important enough to keep.




I am just not a regular blogger.  The intentions are good, but....
Well, let's face it, I am a bit on the busy side.  I have 5 kids, they are homeschooled.  I work 3 or 4 days a week for Domestic Violence.  We have 4H, dance and I HAVE to have my excercise classes at the YMCA.  Oh yeah, and I'm starting school.
I really didn't plan on going back to school long term years ago.  I was content being a mother and wife.  I wasn't the best wife, but I wasn't a bad wife.  The relationship still wasn't a good one.  It's really hard now, but I'm better off physically and emotionally.  He was not nice to us and I allowed it to happen.  That actually makes me as guilty.  If I had stood up for myself and my kids years ago, well, I wouldn't have all 5 of them.  There would have only been 2 most likely, but I held out.  When the 3rd came, it was rough, I held out.  The fourth came and just a few months after, I realized how badly it was taking a toll on me.  Still, I did not want my kids to be in a broken home, so I stayed and along came my Angel Baby! 
Everyone has a breaking point though, I reached mine.  I tried rational.  I tried denial.  I tried kind.  I tried downright bitch.  Nothing was sinking in to him that things had to change.  He wouldn't do what I'm pretty sure we both knew had to be done, so I did.  I asked for the divorce.  The proverbial lead balloon.
It wasn't always bad.  The first year was good.  It went down hill from there.   I saw the signs and turned a blind eye.  I've read the signs since, although I didn't write them, but boy howdy I lived them!